Last weekend, I was anxious all day Friday and Saturday.  That dread in the stomach, what I used to think meant something terrible was going to happen which I now know to be residue of stress that already happened, days earlier, working its way out. At one point I doubled over because I learned one more bit of imperfect information. Information that, under normal circumstances, would have elicited a shrug from me. 

I do think therapists are useful. Two times in my life, I could not reach the inner resources I usually rely on to heal myself and used the services of a therapist to help me get there.  Those times, I had specific, catastrophic to me, events that I needed help to process.  Last week I could point to no single event and could not imagine what I would even discuss with a therapist about my life. And I needed a quicker solution.  

Then, like my psychic twin Winnie the Pooh, I thought, “what to do, what to do” and came to a solution.  Close the laptop, put away the phone.  An analog Sunday.   I checked my texts for overnight messages and again midday. Nothing happening.  The world was spinning without my attention. Lo and behold! Without my knowing the dread that had made me double over, disappeared.  I went to church, read a book, and made a nice dinner.  I tackled a low fi project, reducing the volume of my memorabilia boxes. I tossed report cards where my teacher’s commented that I had an “attitude.”  (I don’t even know what that means but I know I don’t want to remember these naysayers.) I ate dinner watching 60 Minutes, took a bath and out of boredom, went to bed early. 

I enjoyed this so much I tried it again this week.  I slept in and missed church. I picked up my phone and looked at a text my daughter sent me at 3 am. It was a picture of her Siamese, scowling for the camera. I journaled and drank my coffee.  I ate a nurturing breakfast that my grandmother would have made me, soft scrambled eggs and buttered toast. I put the leashes on the dogs and spent an hour with them in the nearby forest preserve.  Back at home, I took an easy Peloton stretch class, don’t want to break that streak.  After lunch I spent the afternoon reading, writing this while listening to WWOZ’s Jazz Fest broadcast.  Goals for the day include vodka sodas in the backyard at 5, and dinner in front of 60 Minutes again, I kind of enjoyed that last week.